You well you know a little bit but yeah I'd love to know how you got to the point where you were able to reframe that and did that come through your journey into sobriety and was that a.
Byproduct of it yeah I think when I started drinking um you know I I was I didn't know that alcohol would be the thing that helped alleviate my anxiety at that time but the first drink that I.
Had uh in you know when I went to visit the college that I would ultimately go to UCSB um which you go known as a drinking school I'm not going to lie uh but you know I so my first drink there.
It was just like this feeling this immediate like realization this was the thing that was solving my problems I didn't know that I had like problems at that time but I'm like oh my gosh I'm.
Problem and um and so I I think that that um th that was my relationship with fear as I got into college because that's ultimately when the panic attack started too and I realized that by.
Drinking I could suppress the panic attacks the constant panic and anxiety that I would have the fear of actually walking out of my house to go to a class uh or or um you know having to uh.
Interact with other people or um you know this this just this this this just complete uh anxiety that was constantly consuming me um and I and so that that was kind of my relationship with alcohol.
For the next decade it was dealing with dealing with the crippling panic and anxiety on a day-to-day basis during the course of day and then drinking myself into numbness at night to kind of.
Suppress it that was that was it um and then when I had the DUI accident I realized that okay these things are coming to AE now I'm now I'm not just a danger to myself I'm a to others and U.
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And and you know I felt complete
Hopelessness in in the jail cell to the point where I did consider you know taking my life um because it was just that uh it was that all in consuming I.Didn't know how to get over what I was what I was experiencing and I didn't tell anybody I didn't talk to anybody about it because I felt like I was alone felt like what I was experiencing was.
Lonely I didn't I didn't know that other people experienced this kind of shame or Panic or anything like that um but what happened was you know thankfully I chose to walk into a.
Community of help and what I realized is that we can not necessarily get over our fears we can face our fears and learn to actually embrace our fears when we find a community of support whether that be.
Alcoholics Anonymous or a community of triathlon or endurance or business group or a mastermind or whatever it be a community that's specifically designed to help you through the problems that.
You're collectively facing is the is the path to Healing that's the first step and path to Healing vulnerability in that Community is is is another part of of that healing and when you can go.
Through that when you can when you can join that community and vulnerably express what you're feeling what you're what you're experiencing you do not only just start to heal but you actually.
Start to see the superpower that exists in that and for me fear fear was nothing more fear fear was something that was terrorizing me for years or what I felt like right but at that point fear just.
Became a signal it was a signal for things that were trying to grab at my attention and tell me something that either this was a a this was a danger that I had to avoid but in most cases it.
Wasn't a danger because I wasn't like
Facing anything that was life-threatening in most cases it was an opportunity to just lean into that fear a little bit and grow and the case in.Point was when I started to pursue Triathlon something that terrified me I didn't want to swim in the ocean like two miles in the ocean no way but there was a fear there and I realized that in.
A year into sobriety after having these tools and being immersed in that Community I realized that maybe if I lean into that fear maybe if I lean into that fear a little bit but that fear is.
Telling me that that could be an opportunity to grow and that's the lesson so to Damon's question earlier about you know what lessons how do I take that into leadership well now.
Within sobriety I have that Clarity where that fear comes in and now I have a relationship with it it no it very rarely causes panic attacks anymore though that still does creep in it it.
Still causes anxiety but it's also a signal that maybe there's something there to look at a little bit more closely that might be an opportunity to grow and uh and that's how I kind of see.
That in business it's how we implemented EOS it's how we implemented uh various programs I think it's how we uh grew to to where we were is because we collectively as a team started to lean.
Into that fear a little bit to go into the dark forest and face some of those fears and grow before we get off of this topic I want to talk about a different fear and.
I know that you're considering pivoting your podcast to multi-generational families but also maybe helping leaders who are considering getting sober or are sober and one of the big challenges I.
Had um that I got that I work through but a lot of people who are friends of mine who are considering maybe stopping drinking they're like well how am I going to do that how am I going to go to.
A business function where everything is surrounded by drinking what advice do you have for somebody like ourselves of dealing with that initially yeah I think um one of initially it's.
It's hard and I don't want to minimize it because I I went through it you know just having to go to cocktail parties and and and and all of that all of that stuff um even today where people know me.
As a sober person I'm very open about it I still get I'll still get emails solicitations saying hey I have a free bottle of wine for you if you have a conversation with me and my response is.
Usually you have not researched me at all um but uh you know so uh but but I think that my advice to anybody that that's that's struggling with that is is a um you know um.
Club soda is your friend you know always carrying a glass of of club soda um depending on how open you want to be about that I tend to um you know unless and and this is something you want to.
Work through with therapist with your sobriety team whatever that may be AA or however that is but um I I I want I believe at least for me that um that being open and honest about my sobriety.
Was kind of one of the biggest steps I took towards actually healing through it it took a couple of years from my point of sobriety to actually start being open about it but when I started being open.
About that sobriety it um it imprinted it as part of my identity and um and and so I I realized I think after those first couple years that the anonymity part was starting to.
Become a bit of a crutch for me um so so now it's like people know me as as that and now I can I can do that but um I think it's also important to recognize too that there's a bit of a u a bit of a.
Movement happening within executive leadership or entrepreneurship or high Achievers in general that are that where I hear a lot more those achieve those people saying alcohol is just not.
Serving me anymore and I'm not doing it so even just making it a lifestyle Choice there is no shame in that even when people line up the tequila like shots and say hey we're taking shots you.
Just be like no this is a lifestyle choice for me right now I just say I say Own It own it is a source of empowerment uh that that sobriety is is a powerful tool for you and even offer maybe to be.
The designated driver uh that may be the biggest selling point to whoever you might be trying to sell that night or whatever I you know there there's there's opportunities there to um uh.
Just really lean into yourself authentically um and I think the key is just not not associating it yourself and really looking at your motives for why you want to keep that sobriety a secret.
Or why you want to avoid it is there still a little bit of deeper shame there that you have to work through or um but don't associate the sobriety with shame um work towards getting to the root of.
